


Ikea Is Temporary

by dashakay



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Curtain Fic, F/M, Ficlet, Post-Revival
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-17 17:16:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4674917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dashakay/pseuds/dashakay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Put down the gun, Mulder,” she said, backing slowly away and nearly colliding with a Lululemon-clad blonde pushing toddler twins in a stroller the size of a Hummer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ikea Is Temporary

“Put down the gun, Mulder,” she said, backing slowly away and nearly colliding with a Lululemon-clad blonde pushing toddler twins in a stroller the size of a Hummer.

Pouting, he set the gun down and she snatched it away, safe from his hands. “I was just having fun,” he complained.

“We’re not here for fun and you  _know_  it.” She pressed her lips together firmly.

All around them, the crowd writhed and undulated like demons in a Hieronymus Bosch painting. Coming to the Woodbridge Ikea on a Saturday afternoon was a very, very bad idea. After the Lululemon blonde ran over her foot with the massive stroller, Scully began to wish she had her real gun and at least two milligrams of Ativan. No, make it intravenous Ativan with a Stolichnaya chaser.

“This is ridiculous,” she muttered under her breath as they pushed their cart through the throng. “We’re not twenty-five. We’re in our fifties and own plenty of stuff.”

Mulder elbowed her ribs. “Outdoor furniture,” he said, making it sound somehow erotic. “We have a back yard now. With actual grass and a patio.”

They paused in front of a model of an outdoor sectional, brown “wood” and beige cushions. “What about the four-seat Äpllarö?” she asked, glancing at the price tag.

“Maybe a six-seat model?”

“We’d need to get six friends first,” she said. “Besides, who’s going to give us a six-hundred dollar outdoor sofa?”

Mulder sat down on the sofa and gave the cushion a bounce, his eyes both sleepy and suggestive at the same time. “I hear Skinner’s making bank these days.”

“Fine, fine.” She zapped the sofa’s code with the sadly non-lethal gun.

“Let’s go to bedrooms,” Mulder suggested. “We can test the mattresses. There’s one called the Sultan Hansbro. Sounds pretty sexy, huh?”

She rolled her eyes. Must  _everything_  be about sex? Oh right, this was Mulder and it was just one of many things she loved about him.

“You act like you’re not excited,” he said, sounding vaguely hurt.

“I  _am_ ,” she sighed. She squeezed his hand. “Just not right this minute when I’m wearing my uncomfortable boots, am developing a hot flash, and every single resident of Northern Virginia is within these terrifying walls.”

He bent down to kiss the top of her head. “Ikea is temporary. Marriage is forever, Scully.”

She stood on tiptoe to brush her lips against his. He tasted like Swedish meatballs and lingonberry sauce. “I think that’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever said to me,” she said, smiling.

“Expect a lifetime of romance with me,” he said and gave the shopping cart a push back into the teeming crowd.

**Author's Note:**

> I know that Ikea doesn’t have a wedding registry so can we just play pretend?


End file.
